S's First Time (for a few things)

I feel I need no introduction at this point, as most of Elle's followers have read about our entire courtship and relationship from its inception to present. (Well, not really much of a courtship, and when I say entire, I mean ENTIRE). It's quite honestly a little intimidating to post something on her blog (even though she keeps calling it "our" blog) being that I am a huge fan of Elle's story telling, and comedic prose. I've pondered what I could possible say here that would be of interest or intrigue, and I think I've come up with an intelligent and meaningful subject.

P90X.

X is for Xtreme, which is how I'm feeling tonight. Xtremely old, Xtremely out of shape, Xtremely fat, Xtremely sore, Xtremely old.... oh ya, I already said that. I asked Elle today if she thought I was the oldest person that has ever taken on the P90X challenge. I think her reply was "maybe"... bitch. Now I'm feeling Xtremely competitive! You guys just wait. In 90 days I'm going to "allow" Elle to post my "before" pic (which by the way, I refuse to even look at) next to my "after" pic. Oh... and speaking of before pics... a little word of advice for those of you in a relationship with a girl. Never ever offer to take her before pic when talking about starting a new workout routine. It won't go over well even if your offer was well intended. You'll find yourself saying things like "Honey, you look great... I didn't mean you NEEDED a before pic, I just thought it would be fun if we both had one."

So, tonight we have the kids, neither one of us can move due to our new Xtreme soreness and Elle and I are in one of those moods. She's warned me though... the only thing she thinks she'll be able to do is lie on her back and maybe turn over if she can use a pillow for support.

Anal Sex and Fisting

Anal sex is like eating Papa John's pizza (or any other chain restaurant type, college town type pizza... Domino's, Pizza Hut, etc).   Let's discuss.  One is usually introduced to this cheap and quick "pizza" in college.  Here's a scenario:  You're super drunk, and very hungry.  Or maybe not very hungry, but the beer makes you think you are hungrier than you really are... and you don't have a LOT of money... it's college... Papa John's pizza delivery is quick!  So quick you don't even know what happened.  You might not even remember ordering it.  In fact the next morning, the only way you can tell that you did, in fact, have Papa John's pizza... is that the box is out.  Probably still 1/2 full of uneaten pizza.  Because let's face it.  Papa John's pizza is not that great for a lot of people.  Especially under the conditions I just described.

Next scenario:  You're all grown up now.  Have a couple kids... but they're spending the night at grammie's and gramps.  It's just you and your lovie and a bottle of wine.  'Let's have something a little different tonight honey,' lovie says to you.  'Okay!  Sounds good.'  You remember Papa John's pizza from your college days and all these fond memories come flooding back.  But... what you don't realize is that the fondness you recall really isn't for the Papa John's... no no no!!!  It's the freedom of college, the parties, the lack of responsibilities, etc.  All of the things that you may be feeling tense about right now, but with the kids gone and the bottle of wine gone, you start to attribute the warm fuzzies to good ol' Papa John's.  So, before you know it, you are partaking in it again.  But this time you are older and have a more diverse palate.  You go for the GARLIC BUTTER DIPPING SAUCE thinking this may help.  And it does.  At first.  But after a few pieces (yes, pieces not bites) you realize it's still just Papa John's pizza.  You really are craving a handmade brick oven pizza with fresh basil and mozzarella.  You are feeling a little cheap, wondering why you didn't just splurge on that.  No.  It's you, the lovie, a hangover in the morning, and garlic sauce all over the sheets.

Papa John's pizza is never as good as you remember it.

Papa John's pizza is sometimes the only pizza available to you.  When this is the case, don't order it hastily.  Do your research about the toppings.  Maybe even decide to try different dipping sauces.  Definitely have some wine with your pizza.

I can speak from experience, not all chain restaurant, college type pizzas are terrible.  I've even craved it before.  But I've done extensive pizza research.  I also enjoy making my own pizzas.

  Now... who wants to read about how fisting is like eating sushi?