Please Excuse Me: I'm New Here.

That's what I say often when I seem to be clueless.  Which happens a lot.  Like at work... when I can never remember where the extra peri-pads are... or when I call the operator instead of registration to put through an admission.  I just say, "Uh sorry, I'm new here."

I've worked there for almost five years.

Another example: I take the kids on a road trip to a museum, park, or pool, and I don't bring any snacks, towels, or diapers.  "I'm new here."  Like I'm a first time mom... or a babysitter.  Actually I think sitters and nannies are super well prepared.  In fact I've been jealous of their organization before.  SOME even make spreadsheets for meal planning.

My point... oh... my wedding dress.  I found it.  It's exactly right.  There is nothing I want to change.  (Except maybe the waist measurements, but I'm gonna try to stick with that P90X thing and see what happens.)  It's even vintage... from Etsy... so it's all recycled and everything.  It makes me feel so good inside.

The description:

1950's party dress in a pale pink sheer chiffon with pink underlayer. Ruched bodice with cowl overlay and sash in back. Full skirt and metal zipper at side seam with hook and eyes.

It was listed for under $300.00.

That's right.  I mean it just doesn't get any better.  I felt like I was dreaming.  Did you read that description?  PINK CHIFFON.

 And here is a photo of the lovely back of the dress.

That is what sold me.  The sash.  I literally did a little gasp when I saw the photo of the back...

Okay, I know I sound very materialistic right now.  Obsessing and drooling over this dress for what... for my wedding day.  Well.  Well yeah.  Fuck yeah.  I don't even care that it's my second wedding.  It's S's first.  And it's my last!  (Is it okay to laugh at that?  I can never tell what is in bad taste when it comes to second marriages...)

As soon as I got the approval from my go-to-girl, Jess, I went straight to Etsy and bought this.  I don't like to buy clothes without Jess.  She knows how to dress me.  Whenever I buy clothes without her, I end up hating what I've bought and/or feeling like shit when I wear what I've bought.  Whenever I am making a "big" purchase like this I ask her opinion.

So yeah.  I'm embarrassed to admit that, in the literal sense of the word, "I'm new here" when it comes to Etsy - as in I've used it as shopping porn, but I've never made a purchase.  This was my first Etsy purchase.  So I think it is fair and reasonable that I missed something.  Something kind of big.  I was excited.  I didn't see this:

This dress is reserved for echosketch until Friday 2-18-11.

Who the fuck is this echosketch bitch?  And why does she think she can RESERVE my dress until Friday?  

I promptly emailed the Etsy store owner and strung those words together a little nicer - plus I added my (now) famous line... "I'm new here!"  Apparently this chickie doesn't get paid til Friday.  Uhm.  Yeah.  I gots the bills now.  Ship my dressie!!  IT IS MINE. (Please picture a pout and a foot stomp.)

So now we wait.  If she buys the dress on Friday, there is still hope, says the Etsy store owner.  Apparently echosketch is also concerned about size and may return the dress if it doesn't fit.  (Dude.  P-90-X plus a yeast cleanse... it might work.)  

I don't know if I'm getting all Bridezilla now or what, but I've been a little weepy over this.  I thought about going back online and searching for other vintage dresses... but then I decided to give myself the night off.  I need time to grieve.

Something Old. Something New. Something Borrowed. Something Blue.

Yes, I'm that girl.  I think we've established that.  Or you're starting to see it now, aren't you?  While I claim to be this feminist, lesbian who wants to have a non-traditional relationship... there it is.... these little instances of "tradition" that I just- like.  I don't know why.

Connections.  I feel a connection?  Perhaps.

At first I thought I didn't want a diamond ring (or any ring at all) from S.  The ring she gave me in August was going to be just fine!  A simple silver band, that is all I need.  But she kept saying things like, "You need a proper ring."  And would ask if I liked diamonds or other stones.  Between her and I we both have plenty of other pieces of jewelry that could easily be reset into a new ring.  But I didn't want a traditional wedding ring. 

I didn't want a traditional marriage.

S wants to wear a ring.  A simple band.  I started searching for eco-friendly materials.  I searched for recycled rings.  I even found recylced wedding bands that were matching for each of us.  Each time I got online though, my browsing would direct me... somehow... to pretty-shiny-rings.  I just can't help it.  I like the shiny.

But no!  I was so resistant.  I would close my browser and be so frustrated with myself.  Confused too.  Once, I even put on my wedding set from my ex husband.  Oh god.  I just realized S will read this. - Eh, I'm not editing.  She'll be fine. - So, I put that on... and it was like an epiphany.  I got it. 

I didn't want a traditional marriage. 

It had nothing to do with that wedding set.  I put those pretty rings on, and I felt nothing for him.  Nothing for our marriage (not to sound callous, but the rings don't evoke emotion about my marriage to him).  The rings just didn't symbolize that FOR ME.

They are just shiny-pretty-rings.

And I wanted one.

Then I saw S's ring that was her grandmother's.  I remember one day when she put it on my finger and said, "I want you to wear this.  I think this would look better on you than me."  It is a very pretty ring.  For some reason I never felt comfortable wearing that ring.  It isn't because I didn't like it.  I loved it.  I thought it was beautiful.  I was touched.  I was so touched I didn't want to cry.  But, something about wearing it, didn't feel right.

Her grandmother is dead.  I didn't know if it had something to do with her spirit.  I believe strongly in things like this... maybe her spirit hadn't let go yet... was still here.  I'll not go any further with that.  I'll just stop there.  My point, is that I never wore the ring.  I just didn't feel it was right for me.  But I wanted to.  I would look at it.  And try it on.  And take it off.

Then on my "date" with Motherless, for her pre-Birthday, I wore it.  And it felt right.  I wore it for a few days before it hit me.  This is my wedding ring. 

I don't know if you all think I'm crazy now or what.  But, I don't really give a fuck.  The ring is too big for me.  So I had to wear it on my right hand, second finger... it almost fits best on my index finger of my right hand.  The more I realized how "right" the ring was, the more calm and settled I felt.  A couple days later, I asked S if she thought it would be an appropriate wedding ring.  "Of course," she said. 

Last week we went to the jeweler and picked a band out for her, and they will size her grandmother's ring as well.  The very well meaning sales ladies (think- big hair, leggings, knee high boots, too much makeup, rings larger than I've ever seen, and bracelets on each writs, big watches, etc...) tried to convince me I needed a wedding band as well - to show that I'll be married.  However, with the design of the ring, the band would need to be a wrap around type of a thing, and would need to be soldered to the original ring.

No.  I don't need a band to show or prove my marriage.  No.  I do not want to alter this very special ring that S's grandmother probably took such great pride in, and her grandfather probably worked his ass off to give her.  Thank you, but no.

actual wedding photo of a friend.  her grandmother's shoes.

Traditions.  Connections.  They must actually mean something to me.  Not to society. 

We are still waiting for our rings from the jeweler.  When they call me, I think I'm going to discuss with S waiting to wear them.  Our state recently passed a Religious Freedom and Civil Union Act; however, it will not go into effect until after June 1, 2011.  We've discussed getting married (real-same-sex-married) in another state or even another country.  We have even discussed NOT getting married but having our own little ceremon(ies) whenever and where ever we feel like it with whomever we want present.  We have discussed our families.  Do we want them there?  Do they want to be there?  My children... our children... are they going to be there....  If it's a "destination wedding" how will that work with five kids... oh wait... four... because will Motherless attend?  OH FUCK... I'm rambling....

I'm a traditionalist.  I want a ceremony.  I want to put our rings on each other, and I want vows- maybe even vows we've written ourselves.  I don't think this will make it mean any more than if we didn't do it.  But I do think it is more romantic.  I do think it will be nice to have that memory.  I do think it will be a nice addition to "our story" that we get to tell our next generations. 

I don't know the logistics yet.  But as S so eloquently put it to the jeweler when asked if we were in a rush to get her band, "There is no rush.  There's no shotgun here.  It's not like anyone's pregnant."

Pushed Into the Closet

We are affectionate.  S and I.  I was so glad to learn that she is a "touch-er" although I figured as much given her chosen profession.  And as a matter of fact, she even tries to apologize to me for touching me too much.  As if there is such a thing.  I love it.

We are affectionate in front of the kidlets.  Nothing R rated.  Not even PG 13.  Maybe PG if we think they aren't looking.  (I'm just being honest here.)  We think it is important that they see affection and love expressed through touching.  We cuddle them too.  We do sandwich hugs and steal kisses from them via Kiss Toll Booths.  The Boy tries half halfheartedly to get away, then falls heavily into S's arms with a grin on his face.  L will ask for a double tuck in if she gets up to pee in the middle of the night.

I consider us an affectionate family.  I like it.

When we take the kids to the museum, the park, or even the grocery store I hold her hand.  The kids seem un-bothered by such a natural event for S and I.  Neither S nor I have ever thought NOT to hold each others hand.  We've never been closeted.  We have both decided we will never be closeted, and we will never date anyone who cannot be out.  It's simply hand holding - not making out.

This is why I think it is very peculiar... very amusing even... that M asked us to go inside our little closet on Saturday afternoon and through Sunday.  She was having a girl from school sleepover.  I'll update you on the stats.  She is 10... will be 11 in March.  She's in fifth grade.  Her friend is in the sixth grade.  They were going to swim and play basketball at the YMCA and while S was driving M there... that's when M had "the talk" with her.

It went something like this:

M:  "Tonight can you and mom like get a room."

S:  "Whu--?"

M:  "Don't embarrass me in front of my friend.  If you're gonna kiss mom good-bye, get a room." (I was going to work later.)

S:  "Don't worry M, we'll be on our best behavior." (Dying of embarrassment herself.)

S came home and told me that for the next 24 hours or so we have to go back into the closet for our kid's sake.  I said, "Babe, I never really spent much time IN the closet."  I found the story hilarious.  I was actually a little titillated that we couldn't touch at all or steal kisses in the kitchen like we usually do.  I had no idea, until we couldn't, how much we DO touch each other.

So we behaved ourselves.  I took naps before my shifts on Saturday and Sunday.  Thank fucking GOD.  We got to cuddle a little behind closed (bedroom) doors.  I have to admit on Sunday before I took the girl home, the pressure got to be unbearable, and S and I did steal a few squeezes in the kitchen while I was making dinner.  I just didn't care by that point.  However, I think that M and her friend had spent enough time around us, M's two moms, that it wasn't so embarrassing by that point.

Don't we have more important things to worry about?

Today Illinois State Rep. Deb Mell addressed the House regarding legalizing gay marriage in Illinois and specifically spoke about her own engagement to Christin Baker.

Legislation to legalize civil unions passed in the House committee nearly a year ago (yay!!) but apparently 60 votes are still needed to send it to the Senate according the Chicago Tribune article posted on April 28, 2010.

I think it's fantastic that we have such an outspoken female leader and gay rights advocate representing "us" in Illinois.  Rep. Mell has even been arrested for protesting her inability to get a (same-sex) marriage license from the Cook County clerk's office (that's my favorite).

Now, may I direct my reader's attention to the Chicago Tribune article, and if you could all just scroll down to the bottom... go ahead... a little further... to the "Comments" section.  What the fuck is this bitch Nancy talking about, "Don't we have more important things to worry about?"

 I mean REALLY!  Equality is really no big deal.  Sheesh.