Saturday, May 1, 2010

Do I Love Myself?

Frozen.  Speechless.  Blank stare.  Tears sting my eyes.

My gut reaction is to respond, no.  I think because for so long I really didn't love myself.  I never felt that I was worthy of love from others and therefore not worthy of self love.  That was a lifetime ago.  I don't feel that I need love from others to feel self love.  But.... can I sit here, look in the rmirror, and say, I love you?  I'm going to try later.  I have never tried before.

When I look at my actions over the past year I can see that many of them, not all, but many of them reflect a level of self love.  If I hadn't been in the place where I had a certain amount of that, I couldn't have made certain steps and choices that I have.

I should remind myself of this more often.

Instead, I seem drawn to focusing on my faults and mistakes that I have made and/or continued to make.  It has held me in place, bound me tightly, and I need to break free from the guilt and shame or I think I may continue to repeat, or at the very least, not move forward.

In loving myself, I forgive myself.  In loving myself, I have faith in myself.  In loving myself, I trust myself.

Forgiveness.  Faith.  Trust.

Three elements that I am making a commitment today, to nurture, as I nurture myself.  Because until I can find those things in myself, no one else will.... and I won't find it in anyone else.

I love myself enough to make that commitment.


Rexie said...

Glad my suggestion has resulted in self reflection. Do it even if you don't feel it, or believe it. Do it often. The first time may feel strange and you might even be a little embarrassed, but it gets easier. Actualization follows visualization. Send your thoughts to where you want to go, and it is the damndest thing, but doing that can transform your reality. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Turn off the negative feedback - the things your ex, frenemies and perhaps even family members say to you. Don't buy into their negativity. This is your life and you know what you want. You will never achieve happiness living your life the way they think you should, or the way they do. Acknowledge their opinion but don't compare your thoughts to theirs or even argue with them. They may call you selfish, but know that you are reaching for the things which fulfill you and there is no shame in that. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Just be prepared for the resentful backlash when you finally achieve yours. And then laugh and tell yourself how much you adore you.

Asya said...

You are very right. Love yourself. Take the time to do that. i think for myself it will be a lifelong event to learn to love myself. It's work for me. But, in order to love and be loved, you need to love yourself. To me it sounds like you are on the right path, not an easy one, but a well-worth-it one.

I'm Jane said...

You're interesting. I like interesting.

ContraWhit said...

Any relationship evolves and changes.
Thus, as you evolve and change, your relationship with yourself will too.

May you grow old and wise, healthy and happy, with yourself. (Hell, may we ALL!)