Sunday, March 27, 2011

Everything's Been Great: . . . and that's bad.

I'm sure some readers "get it."  I finally did a couple of days ago.  Finally.

I'm cycling again.

How exactly is this a bad thing?
  • I combined my girls' bedrooms and renovated one of the rooms to make a kick ass office space for myself (with a lot of help from S really).
  • I finished an exorbitant amount of course work, including three large exams in two days.   
  •  I read 18 chapters of material for a primary care course I am taking - in one sitting - at 2 in the morning.  
  • I changed my specialty track in my master's program from nurse midwifery to family nurse practitioner.  I was hesitant to list this as a "result" of a manic episode... but after a long and honest contemplation, I do think that the chemicals in my brain had something to do with me making the switch.  It is a switch that I WANT to do.  But, I may not have had the courage and follow through if I weren't under the influence of the chemicals.  Maybe I'll blog about that.  I am on Spring Break after all.  (Any of my classmates reading this are laughing right now.)
  •  I'm up at dawn.  Who needs to sleep?  A few times last week I woke up around 0230 and couldn't fall back to sleep for the life of me.
  • Speaking of not needing to sleep -  we can also remove eating from my list of daily requirements.  (Because let's face it, eating and sleeping are just going to slow me down.  Or, I'm just not hungry or tired.  I'm not sure which because I at this point it is really getting hard to keep my thoughts...)
  • Increased sex drive - check!
  • I am the funniest woman who has walked this planet.  Everyone must drop everything they are doing and listen to my hilarious stories that may or may not have any relevancy whatsoever to a thing that we are doing at the time.  (I hate this part.  It's the most embarrassing.  This part and the food-eating part.)
  • I feel like I overspent this week... but it was all stuff we needed for the house.  (I'm not sure we needed two mops.  Even though they were different mops, for different jobs, for different floors.  I don't know.  I can't tell.  Frivolous spending?)  And part of that really large Target bill was my daughter's birthday present.  (See upcoming birthday post next week!!)  Then there was a large purchase that may or may not have been for my upcoming school term.
  • Overly sensitive - CHECKCHECK!! We have a puppy now.  A 13 week old standard poodle, baby girl, we have named Andie.  Anyway - S is like a dog trainer/animal whisperer.  I'm not being an asshole, really, she is good at it and so that is her "role" - to basically train up this puppy.  I feel like I am doing NOTHING right with the puppy though.  Every time S tells me what to do with Andie I get defensive.  I feel like crying.  I am now starting to withdraw from even wanting to do anything with the doggie.  Irrational and overly sensitive.  I think there are other examples.  This is all I care to mention at this point.
So next I get to look forward to the crash and burn.  S is leaving in the morning for a trip.  I'll be alone most of the week.  I'm working an all nighter tonight.  I fear I don't know where my emotions are going to be.  Will I be up or down?  I am interviewing with a preceptor for my clinicals early next week.  I really need to be level.

That's all.  Sorry I haven't been blogging.  I've been busy, cleaning, buying pure bred poodles, taking an entire 11 week course's exams in one week, shopping for mops that are JUST RIGHT, organizing the books in my office by very (I mean extremely) specific categories, having afternoon sex (sometimes in the shower and sometimes alone), ordering medical supplies that may or may not be required of me for school (like otoscopes and opthalmoscopes), and basically feeling like I could crawl out of my own skin at any given moment.

I think S loves me now more than ever.