The last time I felt like this was a little over a year ago. In January of 2010 I actually went to the ER and spent a few days in the hospital.
I don't know what else to say, other than I feel like I am complaining a lot. I feel like she thinks I am just complaining. I am hearing, "Call the doctor" a lot, but what she doesn't understand is that I've BTDT with the doctor and I just got those bills paid off. They never did tell me what was wrong with me. I really don't want to run up more Dr. bills. (It seems regardless of health insurance status, everything is a quarter of a million dollars to run - blood work, CT scan, sono, FUCK I even had an ERCP... they found nothing.)
I don't know what the point of this is. I just feel sick. No, I don't want to to eat. No, I don't want to play Sorry Sliders. No, I don't want to paint anyone's finger nails. No, I don't want to answer the "Why" question all day long. I don't want to do anything except curl in a ball.
I'll be honest. I am afraid. I'm afraid of what the pain is from. Afraid I'll always have it. Afraid I'm going to go into debt again. Afraid I'm going to live in pain because I don't want to go into debt again. Afraid she doesn't believe me.
I know I'm not being rational.