I have never felt so sad.
I am trying not to make this about me. Not about my marriage.
S recently gained a new client (yippee) who she quickly learned is a raging homophobe (yucky). Half way through her treatment, this new client made a very disgusting, homophobic remark about her previous therapist. I asked S, “What did you say…?” I was half in disbelief and half in delight over how I just knew my wife had put this bigot in her place.
She said nothing because she feared coming out to this client and potential professional liaison would have negative ramifications on her business. Her business is new and slow growing. I understand that. S says she is fine with staying in the closet to protect her business. (I think her exact words were something like … to get more clients.)
Staying in – or rather going back in – the closet is a lot different than what happened that afternoon, though. S’s silence in the voice of bigotry makes my heart sad. Makes me feel forlorn because she didn’t have to out herself in order to stand up for us, for our family… for everyone who we know and do not know who are LGBTQ.
I don’t blame her. She was not expecting to have an encounter like this… and on the other hand… I do. I just simply expect it. I was born and raised within this small community, and while she feels that this has been a very accepting community towards us… I have a different perception.
But I won’t go inside, and I won’t hide. And I certainly will not tolerate bigotry in any form.
I get it though… when do you draw the line? How do you make the distinction of who to protect and when? S felt she was protecting her business and thus her family via financial security. But I don’t want to live like that. In the shadows. Living a half life. I think we can live a much richer life if we live it honestly, truly, and wholly.
But like I said in the beginning… I’m trying not to make this about me.