Bear with me here. I've had a trying past couple of
days. weeks. months.
I need to bitch again. Surprise, surprise you are thinking. Fuck yeah.
I've written before about the "image" of lesbianism when my friend asked if I'd still be wearing my sundresses this year. (In her defense, I know she was only teasing me.) I feel like I need to write a little more.
Do you think Portia was asked, when she first came out to the cast and crew on the Ally McBeal set "Are you sure you are gay?" Do you think that because she has been blessed with such striking beauty she has had a more difficult time as a young lesbian woman or has this helped her and her career? Is it more acceptable that she is gay because... well ... look at her. Men and women alike want to look at her. Or are men pissed that this beautiful woman doesn't want them between her legs, no matter how good they think they are at "it?" And are women threatened by her?
In short, has her looks helped her or hurt her? Do we really care?
I guess I've been caring a little more. Not because I find myself attracted to Mrs. De Rossigenerous, no no no, I can see and appreciate her stunning beauty but she's not really my vision of sexual attraction. I have been more concerned with the media's portrayal of who and what a lesbian looks like and what that does to society's perception of lesbians OF all kinds.
An example: the HBO hit series The L Word. I'm rolling my eyes as I plunk away at the keys. If you've never seen the show, let me invite you out from under your rock and direct you to Netflix where you can download entire series after series and watch them right on your computer. However, you really only need to see a few episodes and you'll "get it." Maybe it's me. Maybe it's because I am not so interested in femme on femme sex. I don't know. It seemed like it was the same "type" of lesbian with different names. Pretty stereotypical types too. And the only thing closest to a butch was Shane, who ... really.... represented more of a tomboi. In defense (I suppose), I know plenty of lesbians that really loved this series and felt like "they" finally were represented on mass media. (Also, if anyone's seen the complete L Word series and I am wrong let me know. I gave up on it after like season 2.)
Yes, I realize I am using a fuckerton of labels here. In my little ol' humble opinion though... it is what it is and we are what we are.
Let's move on to Portia's wife, Ellen DeGeneres. Remember when she had her TV show in the 90s and she was going to come out on network television? Was anyone else thinking to themselves, "Uhhhhh yeah.... she's gay. And the 'big news' is what?" TeeHee... Look at this picture I found. I imagine Ellen thinking the same thoughts. Okay, now, all the same questions to Portia, let's throw them at Ellen. Hmm. I don't think she was repeatedly questioned, "Are you sure you're gay?" I wonder if any men ever said to her, "But I'm really good at going down on women, you just haven't ever had a real man do it properly."
I don't think so.
I love Ellen. I love her comfort in her skin and I love her happiness in life.
Also, I remember when I was in high school and head over heels in love (wow, that's an image) with H. She and I laughed our asses off watching Ellen and reading her book My Point: And I Do Have One. I felt drawn to this woman and wanted to know more about her. I couldn't believe that everywhere I looked, I couldn't find any information anywhere that confirmed she WAS gay.
That was what life was like for me then though, trying to figure out who "was" and who "wasn't" and if you know where I live you understand that.
So when Ellen came out in 1997, the same year I had my first baby, I felt happy that one of us was being completely true to herself.
I couldn't be happier today now that she has found this amazing partner in life, and their happiness is palpable in every photo we see of them.
Hmmmm... my point... I DID HAVE ONE!
I had a very bad night last night. Had dinner with an old friend, who happens to have a penis so he can't really help a lot of this I suppose. The evening started okay, I set him "straight" a couple of times when he made some comments like, "What made you choose....." and other bullshit like that.
Right before I was ready to leave though, he said to me, "What if you could be with a man that is exactly like you?" I am not really sure what that means. First of all, if he is exactly like me, then he'll have a pussy? He will never be exactly like me. But I guess what he was referring to was my personality... so I went with that. I told him I had been with men that had a personality like mine. He just looked at me. Then said, "Just not what you like then?" Like he was waiting for an explanation. I've never felt like I had to explain anything when everyone thought I was straight. And I'm quite certain that no one has ever asked him to explain why he like petite, brunette women. I just smiled and said, "Not what I like."
Another comment men like to make is the one I made above when discussing Ellen. On the topic of oral sex: I've heard that "I'm really good at it" to which I reply, "So am I" and I've heard "But I really like doing it" to which I reply, "So do I." Apparently I just need to find a man that can go down on me "better" and then I'll be straight "again."
I would like to ask you, dear straight men, what if a man could suck your dick EVEN BETTER than your wife/girlfriend/best lover? Oh, not interested? But what if he REALLY liked doing it? What if he was told all the time he was really good at it? Still not interested? What's wrong? I don't get it? Is it just "not what you like?" Don't you like to have your cock sucked off?
OH I KNOW! What if he has really soft hands, like a woman, and gets manicures and pedicures once a month? (The guy I had dinner with actually told me that bullshit and I couldn't hold back my laughter.)
I'll come back with a Part 2.