There. I said it. Do I want to go hang out at a friend's house? Not really. I don't even want to talk on the phone with anyone.
Then how can I complain that I am lonely? I don't know. I just am. And I'm not sure how to fix it, or if I want to fix it.
I don't think I am supposed to "do" anything... I think I'm supposed to just allow myself to feel it. To survive it.
So I am.
4 comments:
Sometimes it is good to be alone, but other times it is good to force yourself to be with your friends. I know from experience it is easy to fall into the abyss of loneliness and sadness. It is so hard some times to get out of. Know that your friends are their at ANY time of day or night that you need them. KNOW that they love you! Know that you are a special person even though you might not feel like that right now. Know that this is perhaps like the "construction zone" as you navigate your way to your destination. Sometimes that bitch that says "recalculating" knows what she's talking about. YOU ARE LOVED!
Sometimes I think I'm lonely, and then I realize I am just bored. Hungry and thirsty for something or someone new and exciting. During those times, hanging out with friends doesn't cut it - they know me too well, and vice versa. It's like getting the same bland dinner in your plate every night. I can usually temporarily cure the lonliness by going to a bookstore or by my lonesome to a new movie (especially imax 3d). If I'm lucky, it gives my mind something else to work on other than myself. If I feel like that for extended periods, I volunteer for any good cause. I meet new people and have to think about others. The danger of being alone and lonely too long is you run the risk of becoming too self-absorbed which can make the feelings of lonliness deeper. Take care of yourself, spend time with yourself but remember others. And like Asya said, it does help to remember that you are loved.
Rexie... thank you. I keep thinking about your comment (boredom vs. loneliness). I like what you wrote about how friends can know you too well. Sometimes that's how I feel.
I've tried to re-focus my attention on my studies and it's been helpful.
It's never good to be too self absorbed. God. Who wants to do that?
I would like my friends to please just respect that sometimes, I'm quiet and need to be quiet. It's just how I work through things. I'll come out of my shell when I can, and I'll be in much better spirits!
Elle: You're welcome, I am glad my words had some meaning to you. I've been where you are and you're right, it sucks hard. You just want the world to cut you a break until you get it figured out, but of course, the world never does. Time marches, the world turns, deadlines loom, alarms ring, projects scream.......all while you're trying to organize the chaos in your heart. A breakup can be like a stubbed toe. What you say? You know, you're going along in your life, perhaps a little too fast, not paying enough attention and then BAM! You stub your toe. Hurts so much that nothing else matters while you dance around and curse. No matter what you were headed towards with such purpose, it can now wait until that shrill pain abates. And it does, eventually. So, too, a broken heart. Be easy and gentle with yourself. Take things slowly. Don't listen to sad songs, no matter how much you are tempted. Do me a favor and go look in the mirror and SMILE at yourself this very instant. Do that every time you pass a mirror even if you feel crappy. And when you do that, tell yourself,"I love you". It works wonders, trust me. :)
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