Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Anal Sex and Fisting

Anal sex is like eating Papa John's pizza (or any other chain restaurant type, college town type pizza... Domino's, Pizza Hut, etc).   Let's discuss.  One is usually introduced to this cheap and quick "pizza" in college.  Here's a scenario:  You're super drunk, and very hungry.  Or maybe not very hungry, but the beer makes you think you are hungrier than you really are... and you don't have a LOT of money... it's college... Papa John's pizza delivery is quick!  So quick you don't even know what happened.  You might not even remember ordering it.  In fact the next morning, the only way you can tell that you did, in fact, have Papa John's pizza... is that the box is out.  Probably still 1/2 full of uneaten pizza.  Because let's face it.  Papa John's pizza is not that great for a lot of people.  Especially under the conditions I just described.

Next scenario:  You're all grown up now.  Have a couple kids... but they're spending the night at grammie's and gramps.  It's just you and your lovie and a bottle of wine.  'Let's have something a little different tonight honey,' lovie says to you.  'Okay!  Sounds good.'  You remember Papa John's pizza from your college days and all these fond memories come flooding back.  But... what you don't realize is that the fondness you recall really isn't for the Papa John's... no no no!!!  It's the freedom of college, the parties, the lack of responsibilities, etc.  All of the things that you may be feeling tense about right now, but with the kids gone and the bottle of wine gone, you start to attribute the warm fuzzies to good ol' Papa John's.  So, before you know it, you are partaking in it again.  But this time you are older and have a more diverse palate.  You go for the GARLIC BUTTER DIPPING SAUCE thinking this may help.  And it does.  At first.  But after a few pieces (yes, pieces not bites) you realize it's still just Papa John's pizza.  You really are craving a handmade brick oven pizza with fresh basil and mozzarella.  You are feeling a little cheap, wondering why you didn't just splurge on that.  No.  It's you, the lovie, a hangover in the morning, and garlic sauce all over the sheets.

Papa John's pizza is never as good as you remember it.
Papa John's pizza is sometimes the only pizza available to you.  When this is the case, don't order it hastily.  Do your research about the toppings.  Maybe even decide to try different dipping sauces.  Definitely have some wine with your pizza.

I can speak from experience, not all chain restaurant, college type pizzas are terrible.  I've even craved it before.  But I've done extensive pizza research.  I also enjoy making my own pizzas.

  Now... who wants to read about how fisting is like eating sushi?

5 comments:

Asya said...

LMAO!!!

Almost 40 said...

I would drink that fucking garlic sauce! But yeah...after Papa John's I just feel...dirty.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

I happen to love Papa Johns pizza--really really love it. There is no metaphor in that statement.

Anal sex, on the other hand, a few bites really is quite satisfying. I can't speak to whole slices, but I imagine there are a lot of people who love to gorge themselves.