Femme feels like brand new baby skin. Soft and a little squishy... almost like a puppy's skin, but brand new babies smell like fresh baked cookies for about a week. Then the smell is gone. Forever. However, while finding my Femme, don't ever worry it will disappear in a week. It's here to last. Forever.
Femme feels pulled in a million directions. Daughter-Sister-Mother-Friend-Lover-Secretkeeper. Cook-Maid-Nurse-Therapist-Comedienne-Student.
Femme feels hard and soft at the same time. Femme feels like every emotion is right on the surface, but if I let them see, then I might be considered less than. Femme feels good in the arms of someone strong. Femme feels good to me.
Femme feels like a cool autumn night, windows open, crickets chirping, sun-setting earlier and earlier each evening. Femme feels like the chill on my sweat laced skin as the night breeze rushes through the room.
Femme feels invisible. Unseen. Unheard of. In my very rural community to be Femme is an advantage probably. Therefore, Femme... is isolating.
I don't know what the fuck Femme feels like, but I know that I'm the expert on whatever the fuck it feels like to me. Femme doesn't really give a shit and is done wasting time wondering if you do too.
|Femme feels like soft, warm skin ... fresh after a bubble bath.|
Femme is sitting in a salon chair and not a barber chair. This is complete torture for me. The two and a half hour procedure of "getting my hair done" requires me to premedicate with xanax or ativan or both. I'd rather sit in a barber chair. I have nothing to say to the women there. They have nothing to say to me. Usually, I try to talk about my job, because... oddly.... we all birth the same. (Note that is sarcasm.) But I like my long chestnut hair and without the said procedure my hair is less than spectacular. So off to the salon I go. I dream of the day I can take my son to the barber - just for the experience alone.
Femme is wearing heels, all year, and yes... sometimes when the weather determines one might should wear other shoes. I've worn heels with the usual skirts and dresses, but also with jeans, capri pants, and even shorts. I've worn heels to bed (and kept them on). I've worn heels while 9 months pregnant (which probably looked ridiculous... I'll give ya that). I've worn heels in airports and at at the zoo. I have high heeled sandals and boots. I will never own enough high heeled shoes. If S is smart, she will never question my choice in footwear.
S has asked me, a few times, about how I came to understand the world in certain ways, or how I became who I am based on where I've lived my entire life. This is a compliment. Really. The only thing I can tell her is one of my strongest memories from childhood... is my mother's voice telling me, 'You can do anything you want to so long as you set your mind to it and work hard.' Other values she instilled in me were that of equality. Equality between genders... races... etc. I grew up feeling equal and of value... that I had something of worth to offer the world. My mother made sure to tell me that there were others that did not believe this were true and that someday I might have to fight for equality. I learned about others before me, before us, that did fight that fight. I grew up feeling pretty proud of my mother. I grew up feeling very goddamn proud of womanhood. THAT feels like Femme today.