Monday, September 20, 2010

These Days

Gay-Straight Alliance school bus (used under a CCL)

I was thinking this afternoon... that the hardest part of my day, or the hardest of my days... lately... are the days I have to go to the bus stop.  And see the fake smiles of the Other Mothers.  I smile, very huge, and usually pretty genuine.  I wave, very noticeably and I usually get a wave in return that looks like, "Please God I hope no one sees me waving back at her." 

The bus stop is in my old neighborhood, where the ex still lives, where the kids live with him during the week.  The Other Mothers are women I know well, who thought they knew me well, who pretend they don't see me when I run into them at the grocery store.

I see them.

How different things are now... they used to fall over themselves to talk to me.  And that's not conceit.  I promise.  I didn't understand it then, like I don't understand it now.

The Other Mothers don't realize that we all gave birth the same way.  Yet... I'm beginning to really learn, we are nothing alike. 

It's fine.  Pretend you don't see me.  Because really, you don't.  You never really did.

7 comments:

RadDyke said...

It bothers me to see women do this to other women. I'm not a mother, never have been, never will be, so I don't see it from that perspective, but I see it all the time just straight out from WOMEN in general. It's like, dudes have no problem with it....why do women refuse to talk to me now?
I feel ya on this one.

Momo said...

Maybe they feel threatened?

I know that's not the most optimistic reason, nor is it close to being excusable, but it's possible.

But I admire how you continue to be friendly and make an effort to say hello. Continue to be the bigger woman.

Raye said...

Soccer moms give me scared looks too but only at first. I make the effort to engage them in conversation and not only once but several times. It takes work to break down walls of ignorance. And I am not always up to it either. On those days I just glare back and yell "what ya lookin at bitch you KNOW you've thought about it!!!" muahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Mama said...

I see you.

<3

Lisa said...

I will genuinely wave, smile and talk to you!!!! I get it too and I also hate it. It's what I like to call the "scarlet letter syndrome" yet they don't know what amazing women they are missing out on knowing. Their loss, not ours :)

Rexie said...

Wow, Elle. You must be living your life instead of just blogging about it. Hope all is Happy! =)

Elle said...

I know Rexie! I actually started a blog post... and haven't finished it yet. I SUCK.

I'm back in school now, so every minute I have at the computer is divided between coursework and facebook.

I do have to say... that yes, I am living my life. Finally. I'm living MY life for ME. It feels splendid.