Saturday, September 18, 2010
I think the last time I had any communications with her it had to have been 2001... almost 10 years ago... maybe. It seems like longer. It seems like yesterday. Two days ago there was a "request" in my inbox on Facebook. It wasn't a name I recognized, and for whatever reason... after two days, I accepted the request.
When I saw your face inside some of those pictures, I felt like I was looking at a ghost.
There have been times in my life that I had searched for you, using all of the resources I had at the time. When I first filed for divorce in 2003, I wrote you a letter. I never mailed it. When I applied to grad school I looked for you. When I did finally leave him... I looked again. I might have found out little tidbits of your life via my little searches... but I didn't know. I didn't know if you were happy. I didn't know if you were healthy. I wasn't sure where you worked, lived, where your favorite restaurants were... I didn't know if you were still with J. I didn't know if you were in love and I didn't know if you were being loved back. I didn't know if you ever wondered about me.
A picture, a song, a poem, a book... I've been haunted by your memory.
Time has not changed your smile. I used to wonder what you look like now. I was so young the last time I saw you. But not so young to think we'd never age, we'd never change.
So now what? There's so much to tell you, so much I want to know. But for now, I've been haunted by a ghost.
Posted by LGA