There I said (typed?) it.
I just opened the syllabi for my classes for the next term. Winter term 2011. It hasn't even really began yet. I still have two more weeks of "break" yet. After pouring over the course instructions and the module readings (not to mention in one course the instructor was kind enough to make a checklist for us ... to keep us on track... this is a 5 page Word doc) I will admit I am afraid.
I am still feeling foggy brained at times and disorganized. Online learning is a lot harder than traditional learning from my experience. I'm already feeling overwhelmed. The one thing I feel good about is S's support. She's very good at that.
Also, I've got my resume out to 2 different facilities. I need more steady income. I won't let financial stress affect my health again. I'm already getting that burning in the pit of my stomach feeling once in awhile. I haven't felt that in almost a year. And I'm afraid.
So I'm trying to let this fear be a motivator.
Why does everyone think that if I am a nurse... I'm assured a job anywhere and at anytime? Where is this fucking nursing shortage at? If I hear one more time, "Oh you're a nurse... you can go anywhere and do anything with that degree" I just might snap. Because right now I feel pretty worthless and penniless.
Anyway... venting. And now my stomach's doing that burning thingy again... so this may not have been the right outlet.