Monday, September 26, 2011

Homecoming... Come Home.

Freckles texted me last night... "Do you like my homecoming dress?"  Attached was a photo of herself in a formal.

This is not how I thought this would go down.  My first daughter, her first "formal" dance, maybe her first boyfriend.  I guess... I just had different expectations.  

I don't know where she got the dress or how much it cost.  I do not know the boy's name, or age, or grade... or... anything.  I don't know where they are going for dinner.  I don't know what shoes she will be wearing or what kind of flowers she wants.  I don't know if she is going to wear her hair up or down.  I don't know if she is going to wear a necklace... earrings... or go with the classic, clean "less is more" attitude. 

I guess this is one of the many moments I have to anticipate in which I will have to let go of my expectations regarding our mother-daughter relationship.  This is a lesson in creating new expectations.

When the Other Mothers are discussing homecoming and their daughters' dresses, dates, and flowers... I will simply remain quiet with my heart aching silently.  When I see their pretty pictures on Facebook I will *like* them and then try to remind myself that in the end, I will have a real, authentic relationship with my daughter one day.  We will be two women who mutually respect and love each other, with different mother-daughter expectations than our peers have or than the generations of women before us had.  We may not be able to share many memories from this time of our lives... but one day... our hearts will be open and full and rich.

Until then I ache for her to come home.


MakingSpace said...

Just catching up with you after a week away. Sending thoughts your way for your heart and for your family. You are 100% mother - the evidence is how much it hurts when you can't provide all they need or be totally involved in their lives. Big hugs. Big big hugs.

winesavvy1 said...

I don't know how I stumbled upon this blog, but I'm glad I did! It couldn't have come at a better time in my life. I recently became a mother of a beautiful little girl and can only imagine the trials and tribulation ahead of me. Unfortunately, I've also recently come to terms with my mother and find us no longer speaking. Reading the words of another mother and being a mother now myself, makes me reconsider her feelings. Thank you... (Someday your daughter will look back on your blogs and realize just how much you truely cared. Cheers! And good luck.)