Saturday, July 10, 2010

. . . breaking up is hard to do . . . (The End)

For the last 2 weeks T has been texting, emailing, and mailing me notes, packages, and ... a dozen long stem red roses.  I think that was about the last straw, you know, the one that broke the camel's back. 

I guess I wanted to appreciate her thoughtfulness, or her effort... or I just wanted to be FUCKING POLITE.  Yeah, politeness.  Like us women have been told we need to be for ages now.  But, I started to realize that her actions weren't polite. She was being intrusive and rude.

I was trying not to respond to her at all.  I was not responding to her texts.  I didn't answer her calls, and I let them just go to my voicemail.  Part of me feels extremely guilty, because I even deleted them without listening.  But I did read her emails and respond.

How much more contact did I need to have with her?  We had a MINIMAL "relationship" at best.  In fact, really, I'd barely call what we did "dating."  I didn't really understand what she wanted from me, and my alarms were going off.  Alarms and a little voice shouting in a big way that this chick just was trying to manipulate herself into my world in any which way she could. 

I've learned to listen.

Friday evening she sent me a YouTube clip of the song Pray for You by Jaron and The Long Road to Love.  Harsh right?  Way to take the high road T.  She ended the email with something like, "Now I'm done."  But she wasn't because I did respond to that last "gift" she sent me... and our exchanges continued via email for approximatly 3 or 4 more emails. 

I should have continued to listen.

Manipulation.  I guess I learned to play the game, and still play on occasion.

I did stop the emails... or she did... whatever, it's hard to tell whatthefuck is happening when you are being manipulated.  The last email from her read something like, "The end."  I'm not shitting you. 

I was psuedo-dating a 12 year old.  Great.

I hope it really is The End.  It was a lot of energy to be expending just NOT responding to her.  Believe me, I can think of a hundred other ways to spend that energy.  And I will. 

The End. 


Rexie said...

I am so nosey, I swear. I want to know what she was saying in her emails. What was her point? It's over, she knows it's over, and if she reads this blog, she knows you've moved on and are happily with someone else. The "The End" comment was drama to get your attention. Like, "I'm going now"....then when you don't say anything, "no, I'm really going now"...then when you wave, "see me going, I'm really going"... She obviously wants attention, and you're right, she is TRYING to manipulate you into giving it to her. So just don't. I agree that her nice and thoughtful gestures were intrusive. She should feel like a fool, and if I were you, I'd not miss an opportunity to indirectly remind her that a fool is exactly what she is. But be careful how you do it. Some people will do anything to hold on to a relationship, including being bitter and prompting a bitch fight ("I was ONLY trying to be nice! How can you be so mean?). So just don't engage her at any level. People like her take refusal as an invitation to try harder. But you can't punch the air, so give her no resistance, just don't be there.

Asya said...

I think the fact that you are able to recognize the manipulation early on and not put up with it means you have done some work on yourself and you are growing. It makes me feel good that you are more confident in this area. I am sorry it has happened way too many times to you. However...what's the saying??? You have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find your prince(ss).

Elle said...

@ Rexie, I'm through. I don't need to remind her or for her to "know" anything. She will have to learn it all on her own time. I don't know if she reads this blog. Good question. If she does, VERY interesting.

@ Asya, thanks dear.

The Gardener said...

It's over, that's cool.