Saturday, January 15, 2011

Fly on the Wall (probably an overshare)

Sometimes I think to myself, if only there were a fly on the wall listening to the conversations S and I have.  [Shaking my head.]

For instance, the other day I mentioned that when I came into the city - to the new crash pad - we should make another trip to our local Toy Store.  S replied with, "How many cocks does one household need?"

I couldn't believe she was asking such a thing.  Many.  As many as we want.  Isn't that the pure delight in being in a lesbian relationship (or at least one of them)?  She quickly saw the err in her previous statement and became excited about our future shopping trip.

While lying in bed the next day we were discussing what kinds of accoutrements we were going to be purchasing at the store.  Again... if only.... fly on the wall....

I told her that I was going to walk in, go straight for the largest cock that I could find and hold it in my hands and ask, "Can you bring us your largest?"  And I want you to imagine me saying that in a really condescending tone....

S was dying with laughter.

She said, "You know El, they really come huge!"

To which I replied, "I know... that's why it will be so funny to see me holding it, and asking for a larger one."

Anyway.... guess you had to be there.

While at the store we perused the displays.  Finally settling on something.... errrr.... a little different from what we currently own.  When trying to decide on a new lubricant, we finally decided to go with the one that was so slippery, it will make you go "real fast."  I promised both of us I wouldn't mention who said that.  But yes, someone said... "It's so slippery, now I can go really fast."  wtf.  I'm sure the other lube was what was holding us back.

Then upon check out, two things happened .... somehow the Sales Boy did two things:

1. offered us a job. 

I'm trying to convince S to post her resume here on the blog for others to comment on before she emails Jay@Tulip.  She's suddenly really fucking shy.  Nice timing.  Surprisingly my work history in labor and delivery, proves un-beneficial here.  In fact I think Jay@Tulip even scoffed at me when I mentioned it.  Uhm, I know vaginas - inside and out.  [eyeroll]

It doesn't really matter because as soon as we were driving away S said there was no way either of us could work there, "Face it, we would LOSE money buying products El."

2. sold us a MUCH LARGER cock (in addition to the one we were already buying).

Let me put it this way, the cock was large enough that I also got a larger O ring ... and I walked out, just ... plain... worried.

So last night, we got adventurous... but somehow the adventure was about to stop before the big guy was going to come out to play.  I decided I needed to introduce the two.  Once S and he had a proper introduction ... she said, in a fully exasperated breath, "Whoever says size doesn't matter... is just ... wrong."

Again.  FLY.  ON.  WALL.

I laughed so hard I wanted to pee.


A. said...


Verity Vaudeville said...

Haha, this made me laugh. I've been in a similar situation myself, I don't even get embarassed, but I do find the reactions funny :) Happened with a strap on and she tried it on and there was a comment about size mattering afterall. It was my partner at the time I bet she got more than she bargained for! And the poor man serving us at the time whose face was an unsightly shade of crimson.

Good times.

Elle said...

Good times indeed.

PhoenixOrion said...

LOL! I've never purchased "hardware" from those shops but always wanted to try the liquid latex, if only to give away and snap some photos of it...

AtYourCervix said...

Oh crap girl! You flipping CRACK ME UP! One day, I will share my own shop story with you. (Yeah, only one time.......)

Becca said...

I love this post, I laughed all the way through it!! :)