Hauntings

I think the last time I had any communications with her it had to have been 2001... almost 10 years ago... maybe.  It seems like longer.  It seems like yesterday.  Two days ago there was a "request" in my inbox on Facebook.  It wasn't a name I recognized, and for whatever reason... after two days, I accepted the request.

When I saw your face inside some of those pictures, I felt like I was looking at a ghost.


There have been times in my life that I had searched for you, using all of the resources I had at the time.  When I first filed for divorce in 2003, I wrote you a letter.  I never mailed it.  When I applied to grad school I looked for you.  When I did finally leave him... I looked again.  I might have found out little tidbits of your life via my little searches... but I didn't know.  I didn't know if you were happy.  I didn't know if you were healthy.  I wasn't sure where you worked, lived, where your favorite restaurants were... I didn't know if you were still with J.  I didn't know if you were in love and I didn't know if you were being loved back.  I didn't know if you ever wondered about me.

A picture, a song, a poem, a book... I've been haunted by your memory.


Time has not changed your smile.  I used to wonder what you look like now.  I was so young the last time I saw you.  But not so young to think we'd never age, we'd never change.
 
So now what?  There's so much to tell you, so much I want to know.  But for now, I've been haunted by a ghost.